


Love Me When I Least Deserve it

by 13943



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Explicit Sexual Content, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Blood, Other: See Story Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 02:32:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9102589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/13943/pseuds/13943
Summary: because that's when I really need it





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [moonfox281](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonfox281/gifts).



> so me and my friend [moonfox281](http://archiveofourown.org/users/moonfox281) have our own christmas exchange and she requested for a future DamiDick in which Damian is now Batman and get reunited with Dick but Dick is now Talon D:
> 
> anyways I hope that you'll like and enjoy this one Vi!!! ( ˘ ³˘)♥
> 
> A/N: this fic contains mild depictions of blood, violence, past abuse (i won't say what kind), suicide and sex
> 
> story is inspired from [here](http://meowchain247.tumblr.com/post/153350132279/%E5%89%8D%E6%9C%8B%E5%8F%8B%E8%AE%B2%E8%BF%87%E4%B8%80%E4%B8%AA%E4%BB%A5%E7%9B%B8%E6%96%B9%E7%9A%84%E6%AD%BB%E4%B8%BAtrigger%E7%9A%84%E8%AE%BE%E5%AE%9A%E5%BD%93%E6%97%B6%E8%AE%B2%E7%9A%84%E6%98%AF1%E8%A2%AB4%E6%9D%80%E7%9A%84%E6%97%B6%E5%80%994%E6%89%8D%E4%BC%9A%E8%AE%B0%E8%B5%B7%E4%BB%96) and [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXEx0DyIMks)

Damian knew his feelings towards Grayson was something far more than platonic. He always had saw him as more than family, yet he always believed it was just a phase— a mere puppy crush that will soon fade. 

But it didn’t.

Every time he saw him; saw him pass by his room every morning, saw him during patrol or even receiving texts, calls or video chats from Grayson, it always made him fluster and smile at the same time. He couldn’t explain it, but there was just something in Grayson that always made him into a complete mess.

Grayson was a fool, an overbearing loud-mouth who likes to joke around and throw puns at people, yet…  Grayson was the first person who ever understood him, the first person who ever gave him the sense of comfort, the first person he ever cared and loved. He holds a special place in Damian’s heart, that couldn’t be replaced with anyone or anything else.

That’s why he would often wonder what would it be like, what would have happened to them, if he’d confess to him back then. Worst case scenario was Grayson will flat out reject him, strain their familial ties and make things awkward between them though at least, it will give him the wakeup call he desperately needed. On the other hand, if Grayson will reciprocate his feelings then, it would be great. They could have been together and be happy.

They were in the aquarium when Damian decided to confess his feelings. It was one of those rare occasions in which both of them were free from their busy schedules. Grayson was the one who suggested to visit the aquarium, he rarely visited one but he was willing to do anything what Grayson wanted. And actually he enjoyed it, it was a wonderful sight to be seen, all those fishes co-existing with each other and living in harmony without a care in the world but what’s even more wonderful was—

His eyes and mouth were shot wide open in both awe and wonder, he never seen something so damn beautiful in his entire life. The lights in the aquarium perfectly illuminated his skin, it gave Grayson a beautiful glow on his face like the lights were highlighting his expressive bright blue eyes and slightly gaped mouth. Damian’s face flushed. It was probably the perfect time to speak but all the things he practiced, he dreamt and imagined were all thrown in the window. He was rendered speechless, his mind was left blank upon seeing him in this state. He tried to stop thinking about it, tried to compose himself by moving his gaze away from the older man but only ended up looking Grayson from head to toe. His eyes stopped at Grayson’s empty hand. Then his own hand twitched, he suddenly wanted to hold his hand.

“If you want to hold my hand you could have said so!” his thoughts were interrupted by Grayson’s sudden chatter. A bright smile formed on his lips. “Just because you’re a teenager now, it doesn’t mean you’re too old to hold your brother’s hand.” Grayson held his hand out waiting for Damian to take it.

“-Tt- quit being stupid Grayson.” he said, his face was obviously blushing but he turned his head away to save the little dignity he had left yet, he took his hand and held it close. He heard Grayson laughing but ignored it as he continue watching the fishes. 

He couldn’t remember how long they held hands but that memory is heavily engraved in his mind. Damian always blamed himself for it. Blame his cowardice for not being able to confess his feelings during that time. If he did, then maybe… things would have ended more different than now.

Walking through the abandoned area, he meticulously look through every nook and cranny as he is looking for his target. He had been tracking him for hours, he was the last member of them. All his masters, his fellow assassins, his allies are either dead or in jail. He made a vow ever since he donned the cowl of the dark knight to erase every inch of them, permanently.

He knew it was them. There were no other people capable of doing it. Grayson had disappeared and no one knew where he went. Everyone ranging from his father to Drake to Gordon to the Titans even to the other Leaguers have all done their own search to look for him but all ended up with the same result. Damian hated it, hated how he was the last one to know about the news. He was angry at his father, at everyone and at himself. He should have known earlier, why didn’t anyone told him about it? It was frustrating but he knew throwing tantrums and pointing out the blame on anyone won’t do any good. So he too tried to search for him but ended up empty handed. Months of sleepless and tiring nights just to conduct an investigation as to where he went, all for nothing. He cried, he didn’t remember when was the last time he cried that much, his chest were aching and his mind poundings they all knew Grayson wasn’t dead—they couldn’t find any body to prove it or just plain denial—but him missing for so long felt like he already did and his father was forced to declare him ‘dead’.

He always believe if he managed to speak to Grayson, speak to him about what he feels then maybe, just maybe things would end up different. Maybe he could have prevented his disappearance, protected him and even stopped the court from stalking him ever again.

What’s worse was that the time they spent together in the aquarium was the last time he ever saw him again. The next thing he knew was a huge news stating he had been gone missing for months. He could have torn the heaven and earth just to search for him but the rest already did and they never found him. It angered him. He knew the Court of Owls were behind it, despite of his own, his father and the rest checking every base they had. After all, there were no other villains who have much obsession towards Grayson as them. He vowed on that day, the court will pay for what they have done.

And he kept his promise.

Immediately after the retirement of his father, he relentlessly hunt all the members of the court down until none of them was left. He poured all of his effort to it, he didn’t stop, even when he was on the verge of dying, he continued on his cause. It sounded impossible but he had help—he asked for the devil to make a bargain with him. His soul in exchange for immortality, it was a fair trade. He didn’t care. He’s willing to give anything for Grayson.

Just when he thought everything was over. It surprised him when one talon managed to survive. The mindless tool attacked him when he was on patrol earlier, it was pathetic. The talon should have known what fate lies ahead of him if he’s going to be caught by Batman. Damian had a pinned to the wall with multiple batarangs but the assassin was quick, he managed to escape and even went as far as to hurt Damian. The devil have done its dues too well, all wounds he received have healed.

Damian managed to track him back to this abandoned lot, which used to be the famous aquarium he and Grayson visited before his disappearance. He used to walk faster but as he delve deeper in the area, he begins to walk slower; he is taking his time in walking not because he is mocking the talon but because the sense of nostalgia has taken over him. It's like every step he takes unlocks an old memory.

In that spot… the glass are broken and covered with dirt, grime and other things. There are still visible machines used in the past, it was this spot where he lightly intertwined their fingers as they slowly walk around the area and talk about their respective teams. It brings him to look back at his gloved covered hand, that time, Grayson’s hand was warm. Clenching his fist into a ball, he is taken off guard when the talon thrown several knives at him. Damian deflects them with his gauntlets and throws ice pellets at him. The talon easily evaded him. Taking one step to jump at one of the pillars, the talon used his sharp metallic claws to injure him in the shoulder, Damian didn't mind as he gets a hold of his forearm and throws him to the nearest wall.

Batman have thrown him with too much strength yet, the talon didn’t make any sound. He just stands up like nothing happened and the sound of bones snapping back together echo through the halls.

The assassin have thrown another set of knives at him. He easily dodge him and throws his own set of batarangs at him. Damian is surprise when talon easily evade all of it with minimum effort. No doubt, he is agile and flexible. Talon twists his body mid-air kicking Damian in the face, he blocks it with his hand but the talon isn't done as he uses his sharp claws to scratch his face, he tries to throw pellet bombs at him but the talon gracefully jumps and throws a few knives at Damian, hitting him in the abdomen before finishing it off with a kick in the same area. Damian groans, even with immortality, his regenerative ability is nothing compared to the talons.

Minutes later, the talon had him in the ground. A deep wound on his stomach and his face is badly cut, his cowl damaged, half of his face is already visible. The talon straddles in between his abdomen, his knees pressing tightly against the wound. Damian screams in pain upon contact, he could feel the blood seeping out from his suit.

Deeper wounds means longer time to heal and even if he’s immortal, he could still feel the pain being inflicted on him.

He tries shaking him off but the talon has a strong grip on him. This time the talon takes out a knife and aims for his throat, Damian stops his advances by using his arm as a shield. The knife is buried deep inside, blood dribbling out from the wound. The assassin is leaves no time to spare as he takes out another knife. Damian may not be able to shake him off but he did manage to take a small bomb from his utility belt and throws it in front of its face.

The bomb explodes. Damian uses the time to escape but with the pain in his abdomen, he didn’t manage to walk far as the talon catches up with him in lightning speed.

“-Tt-” he clicks his tongue and plans to throw a punch but is surprise when talon’s face is revealed, his eyes shot wide open. “Gr-grayson?…” he breathes out, the bomb must have blown off his mask. He wanted to rub his eyes for clarification, wanted to look more, wanted to see if his mind wasn't playing tricks on him but the talon easily kicked him in the face.

Taking a few steps back, he looks back at the talon again. Removing what’s left of his cowl, he stares at him. His eyes are glued at the deadly assassin. He wants to be sure; it is him, there’s no doubt, the same face, the same hair color, the same body. It is Grayson. He could never mistake him for anyone else.

Ever since he disappeared, Damian have been missing him—craving for his affection and it would often lead to him sleeping more, it was silly but it’s true at least then, in his dreams he would be able to see him, to be with him but there were times in which he couldn’t sleep no matter how long he closed his eyes. He missed him so much to the point where it hurts and the only way to soothe the pain was to browse at the pictures they took together, rewatching all the recordings and footage he took of him secretly until he dozed off, he had done it a multiple times—even up until now. To the point where he could memorize every inch of his face; his hair, his eyes, his lips, everything. There’s no doubt, the person in front of him is Grayson.

But this can’t be, his father and the rest have searched for every labyrinth the court had and Dick was still not found. Even he made his own search and he didn’t saw him. So how? He didn’t want to believe it, the court managed to successfully turn him into their puppet. He couldn’t imagine what kind of pain he underwent to be controlled and used like this. His mouth quivers, he doesn’t know what to do or feel right now but this is real; he’s not hallucinating nor dreaming, this is the real life and the one right in front of him is— “Grayson…” he calls, the talon cocks his head before throwing several punches in his vital area and finishes it with a kick in the shin.

Damian falls on the ground, he gets back to his feet only to be attack by Grayson again. He takes every blow Grayson gives him. He didn’t want to fight him, he knows Grayson won’t feel any pain but still, all talons are cautious creatures and will see any type of approach as a threat if the one approaching them isn’t their master. He needs to perfect his timing in taking him down. He calculates his movement, Grayson may be a talon now but he’s still Grayson and since he’s been training with him since he’s ten, he knows all of his weak spot.

Grabbing him by the neck, he manages to catch his wrists with one hand and pin him to the ground. He looks at him painfully, despite of his familiar face, Grayson have changed drastically, his skin have gone undoubtedly paler, he almost looks like a ghost, his skin almost looks and feels thin like a paper. Using his free hand, he trails it over his pale face, visible veins appear on the side of it and his eyes, they used to be so bright and full of life but now… “Grayson, what happened to you?” he couldn’t help but ask only to be ignored as the talon merely gives him a blank expression before proceeding in headbutting him. Damian groans from the pain and grunts when the talon’s claw digs itself at his healing wound. “I won’t fight you.” he says.

The talon ignores him and continues to attack.

“Please, Grayson. I know you’re not like this.”

Still no reaction, only punches and kicks.

“It is I, Damian!”

The talon continues to beat him non-stop. Of course Dick won’t immediately recognize him but he has to try. He needs to find a way to distract him, and the only sensible plan he could think of is… “-Tt-“he mutters and moves away from the talon.

 _Maybe it’ll work,_ he thinks to himself. He stares back at Dick, it appears that he knows he’s planning something against him. He’d been too late for it back then, but now… it’s worth the risk. The talon charges towards him, Damian catches him, Grayson struggles against his hold, Damian holds on to him tighter with no intention of letting him go. He cups his cheeks, urging the assassin to look at him “Grayson, stop…I…” he had been craving to say these words for a very long time. His heart ache as he tries to complete the sentence. He didn’t imagine this scenario when planned to confess to him. Grayson is obviously angry, managing to escape from his grasp, Damian is thrown in the edge, some beams and other furniture got broken in the process. Talon may be lithe but he has great force and strength.

Damian lost consciousness for a second and remains still before trying to get up. His vision is failing on him as he twists his body. Blurred images of a black figure approaching him, he blinks his eyes several times just to see the talon already standing in front of him, staring down with his piercing gold eyes, on his hands are several knives neatly tucked on each space between his fingers.

Damian stares back at him,” I love you, Dick.” There, he manages to say it out loud though blood starts to come out from his mouth while he spoke. The talon seems uninterested by it and continues to approach him, his hand on the verge of attacking. Damian closes his eyes and adds, “I’ve always had… and always will... Grayson… please…” he reopens his eyes on the last word, looking at his former mentor with full sincerity and genuineness. The talon stops on its tracks as his face starts to contort.  _It worked,_ a small relief emerges in the back of his head, “Grayson, it’s true. I’m sorry, I blame myself for it. If only…” he continues to speaking, hoping that somewhere deep inside of the talon, Grayson—the one he fell in love with is listening yet he is also waiting for the talon to snap back and kill him, not that he cares or anything since he can’t technically die.

There is a pregnant silence occurring between them. The talon reverts back to his neutral face yet Damian is surprise when he drops all of his weapons. The sound of metal falling off the ground didn’t startle him but his cold unforgiving eyes look haunting yet there’s a small tint of brightness that looks like the gleam Grayson used to have. A ‘thud’ sound then appears as he sees Grayson kneeling in front of him, Damian’s cautious yet curious on what he’ll do next.

Thin fingers touch his skin. The next thing he knows, Grayson had both of his hands cupping his cheeks, his lips are almost near his as he whispers, “I remember you little D.”

Damian looks at him with disbelief in his eyes, he couldn’t believe it. After all this time, could Grayson really remember him? He wants to doubt the words he said but that the same time believe it. His hands are shaking, he wants to _really_ believe it, wants to believe what the talon—a deadly assassin of the court had said. He wraps his hands around his thin waist, “Grayson…” he clutches his hand around his waist, he sniffles as he tries so hard not to cry and pulls his body closer to him, “I’ve missed you so much.”

* * *

“You shouldn’t have trusted me so easily.” Dick whispers, his hands wrap around Damian’s neck, ready to choke him, as he straddles his legs between Damian’s large built, cornering him so his movements will be limited.

Damian merely looks at him, looking unfazed by the sudden attack.

It’s been a few days since their reunion. Since then, Damian have brought him back to the manor. To help him recover and heal. He rarely leaves him alone as tests and examinations were conducted on him. Other than the additional scars and visible signs of Stockholm syndrome, manipulation and abuse, it was later found out that Grayson have little to none memories about him nor anyone or anything, even the days he spent with the court was a huge blank to him. A gush of pain flows through him as he realize what could have caused Grayson to be in this such state but he can’t leave him alone like this, Grayson is still unstable, unreliable and unpredictable, Damian should have restrained him, kept him in a cell in the cave yet… he allowed him to roam around the manor and give him the freedom he’s been deprived of for so long. 

And so far Grayson have been cooperative in all the tests Damian conducted on him, in fact he is surprise by how participative and well-behaved Grayson was in all of his examinations. This is the first time he ever showed any hostility towards him.

“Do you really think I trust you just because we sleep in the same bed?” he smirks before moving his upper body fluidly, dragging Grayson down and now, their positions are reverse.

Grayson is beneath him. He had both of his wrists pinned on top of his head with one hand, the older man glares at him, Damian finds it amusing, a small smile starting to curl on the side of his lips, “It’s because I don’t trust you that’s why I let you sleep in the same bed with me.” he whispers, his free hand trail down his chin, prompting his  _former_ mentor to look at him in the eye. “I missed you Grayson and to be honest, I’ve been wanting to spend more time with you for a long time. It’s true, but us being together all the time can be also used as an advantage for me to keep an eye on you. You’re unstable and that’s what make you dangerous.” Then his free hand starts roaming around his face. He still can’t believe it, after all these years. He is finally reunited with him. “Grayson… what happened to you?” it almost sounded painful, he yearning he had for him didn’t immediately diminish after their reunion, even now, he’s craving for any sort of affection coming from Grayson. He’s been waiting for this moment to come. Even after all these years, these decades, he didn’t give up in dreaming one day they’ll meet again. Caressing his face, he moves closer, even just once maybe…

“They took me…” Damian stops in his advancements when he hears him speak. “they took me somewhere away from their base, it was an underground cave, they hid me away from everyone. They knew you’ll come and find me if they’ll hide me in their base.” his head twists looking away from him like he’s ashamed of it yet he still continues to speak. “It was horrible, they did so many unspeakable things to me Dami. Torture, humiliation, pain, you name it, they did that to me. It was a huge blur for me but I  _used_ to feel it.” Tears are now starting to collect at the corner of his eyes. “I couldn’t stand it, to the point where suicide was my only means of escape but even when I took my life, they brought me back and did the same process all over again, until I was broken, until I became the object they wanted—until I became the talon they always dreamt of. I’m not the same Grayson you’ve fallen in love with.” it is no surprise when he easily escape Damian’s grip, he is now standing near the windows, looking up at the night sky. Damian follows suit, his is obviously concern about him and it almost takes all his self-restraint not to hug him then and there, instead he just stands right behind him.

“No, you’re still the same, you’re still…” Damian’s chest hurting, he could have imagine what kind of torture and torment Grayson underwent but he could never understand how much pain he experienced and felt during his captivity. He wanted to reassure, wanted to let him know that he’ll be here for him, to support him in the process but all of these thoughts are cast aside when Dick interrupt him. 

“I killed and assassinated more than a hundred people. So why are you so kind to me? I don’t get it. I don’t understand why of all the things I did, you still forgive me?” more questions pour out from him, Damian wants to answer all of them, wants to comfort him but he is scared, he doesn’t know if his words would mean anything to him. His mind starts to go blank until—“but what I didn’t understood the most was the fact, that of all the people I knew, why did I remember you first? What’s so special about you that I could remember you in such a short time?” his head is staring at him like he is waiting for him to answer but Damian remains silent. “I tried so hard in these past few days to remember the rest, wanted to remember what I was like but all I could remember was the time I spent in that damn cave. They stripped away all my identity, my dignity and my humanity. Yet… why is it your name was the last one I forgot? I used to remember chanting something like ‘Damian won’t forgive me if I’ll remain captive here’” a weak laugh then escape from his throat as he brushes his own hair. “I don’t even remember what it meant. Suffering from their abuse, I always hoped someday, someone will rescue me but no one came.”

“But we looked for you! We really did. It’s just...” This time, Damian grabs him by the shoulders, the sudden gesture took the both of them by surprise. Damian didn’t plan himself to grab him so suddenly, it’s just he wanted to let Grayson know that no one abandoned him, that everyone all did their best to look for him. But he knows telling him won’t change anything. So he plans to remove his hands from Grayson’s shoulders but Grayson stops him, his hand touches his, holding it with much force to be called comfortable though Damian didn’t mind,

“I know…Dami.” He lets outs a forced smile. “To be honest, you’re the only one who made sense. I never understood why, I always thought of you. Maybe I…” he trails off his face now turns into a frown, Damian frowns as well, “I don’t deserve your love, I’m a killer, a monster—“

Damian push their lips together and Grayson moans from the action. It is better than he had imagined, Grayson’s lips are soft, far softer than he originally thought it would be, and the sounds he make, god, he couldn’t get enough of it.

His tongue is exploring all of Grayson’s wet cavern, his tongue lapping every inch he could reach, he really believed that Grayson will push him away, stop him from going any further but he’s surprise when Grayson opens his mouth more like he’s inviting him to further the kiss.

When he they parted, he looks at him in the eyes again. His thumb trail over his swollen lower lip, “No, you're still you. No matter what you did or what mask you wear, you're still Grayson, the man that I've fallen in love with. Even if you don't believe it, I will say it all over again, I love you. I have no idea what you’ve been through but you and I are the same. I’m not the same young boy you used to know. I’ve broken father’s moral code so many times before, I killed people and I rely on higher form of being to protect this city. I knew from the very beginning that I will never be as great of a Batman as you two but if I can prevent the city from burning, then… maybe, I could have done one thing right and make the two of you proud. Grayson, you’re the only reason why I’m still here and I’ll do the same for you. I don’t care how long it would take but I’ll be here for you just like what you did for me years ago.”

“Oh Dami…” tears now start to fall from his eyes as they press their lips together again.

* * *

“Dami… please… I…” Grayson gasps, his breath hitches as Damian fasten his pace. They are back in the bed, the older man lying on his back while Damian had his mouth wrap in Grayson’s cock, his fingers are already stretching him wide open. He had two fingers inside him, thrusting and scissoring them as much as possible. He bobs his head up and down with much enthusiasm, Dick moans, his hands who used to be on the sheets grasping have now wander around Damian’s head and yanks on it tightly.

The stinging sensation Damian feels on his scalp adds more to his arousal. He looks at him, Damian chuckles seeing how disheveled Grayson look, tongue sticking out from his mouth with a little drool coming out from the sides of his mouth, his eyes fluttering with tears, cheeks flushed and these are all from his mouth and fingers alone. He couldn’t wait to see what will happened to him if he enters him.

He licks the tip before removing his mouth from his cock. He looks at him with a sly grin. “What is it that you want Grayson?” he teases, his fingers slightly tilts in a different angle and a loud mewl escape from Grayson’s mouth, his back arches more.

“I want you…” Grayson manages to answer before feeling another deep thrust. “You need to be more specific in what you want.” he whispers, his voice deep and husky and sucks the skin on his neck deeply, Dick squirms beneath him. “I... I… need you inside me…” his face redden and seeing him blush makes him smile. Damian places soft kisses around his cheeks and neck. “Patience beloved. I want to make this memorable for the two of us and I don’t want to hurt you.” he says and a third finger enters his hole.

Grayson looks at him with a sheepish face, his shaking hands cup around his face, “I-it’s alright, you…Ah!…you won’t hurt me…” he looks at him, his gold color eyes twinkle in lust and excitement, his hips rolling towards Damian, he snickers in response, “If you say so.”  he removes his fingers from him, if he’s not mistaken he hears Grayson letting out a small whine, his cock throbs in response. He couldn’t wait to fuck him. Taking a generous amount of lube, he starts stroking his straining erection as he looks at Dick who’s withering beneath him, his legs lightly splayed.

“Are you ready?” he asks.

Dick nods eagerly before saying, “Ye-yes…”

With that, Damian starts to enter inside him, slowly. He grunts, Grayson’s so tight, so hot and so  _perfect._ What’s even more perfect are the sounds Grayson make, it’s like the sweetest and most addictive thing he ever heard, especially when he hits him on that particular spot that makes him delirious in pressure. He couldn’t get enough of it, it’s like music to his ears. “Dami-aH!” there, he feels Grayson’s blunt fingernails digging into his back, he’s sure it’ll leave marks later but that doesn’t matter right now.

Damian chuckles and thrusts himself deeply inside Grayson, the older man shivers at each movement he makes. It feels so good, him being inside him and seeing Grayson crying out in pleasure makes him more turned on especially how Grayson holds on to him like he’s afraid of letting go. This is even better than what he ever dreamt of. He wants to remember this beautiful moment, Damian hold his face with one hand. He wants to look at him, to see how Grayson becomes undone by him. He doesn’t want to miss a thing, he wants to remember this, wants to place this beautiful memory in his memory. His movement have gone languid to savor the enticing feeling of Grayson’s inside clenching tightly onto him.

Grayson’s soft, warm tongue starts licking his sweat off his face. Looking at how debauched Grayson looks, it energizes him. He pulls his legs up and spreads them wider for deeper access. Heavy pants fill the room as the two are reaching climax, “I’ve always dreamt of this.” he confesses, his voice now hoarse and his movement is in the prefect tempo that both of them follow. “You underneath me, shuddering at each thrust I make, you calling out my name each time I hit your special spot.” he says and continues on thrusting on that particular angle.

“Argh! Ah! Dami- I’m…” his hands are now digging on his hips, his eyes all focus in how beautiful his face is. His mind is so high from all the pleasure he gets but he still Grayson’s hands wrap around his own cock, pumping it as he feels his insides clenching around his cock. He moans from the sudden tightness and fastens his pace. “It’s alright… I’m getting close too…” he whispers and plunges his mouth against his. Their tongues intertwines inside as he sucks on his bottom lip. Hands suddenly wrap around his neck when he tries to finish the kiss. Grayson moans and starts licking Damian’s lips with much passion before entering his mouth. “Dammit Grayson…” he says not expecting Grayson to initiate the contact and damn, Grayson is a good kisser. To the point where he accidentally bites his lower lip, small blood trickles from it but the wound starts to heal already. He laps the blood off and kisses him again.  “You’re so perfect, so perfect for me.” he thrusts into him one more time before hearing Grayson screaming in orgasm and his searing hot seed spurts over their abdomens and chests. Grayson pants heavily yet his hands refused to let go of Damian’s neck. His lips all slacked, looking all plush and  _delicious,_  he groans from the urge to kiss him. He holds Grayson’s cheeks and give him a last passionate kiss before cumming inside of him.

The climax is too strong for him to be quiet. “Ngh-!” he moans after feeling himself emptying inside of Grayson. Letting out a controlled breathe, he falls on top of him. Grayson didn’t say anything about it and the two catch their breaths, Damian wraps his hands around his waist. Grayson curls himself in Damian’s chest as he mumbles, “You’ve grown up… I can’t believe I missed out so much…”

“Well, it’s been only a few decades.” he retorts, his hands pulls him closer, his body rolling to the side. Their faces are close to each other, their breathing feels tingly against their sweaty, hot skin and they are still riding out the afterglow from their bodies. “We have a lot of time in our hands. You can still see me grow up.”

“Dami…” he laughs weakly as his head leans on Damian’s broad hard chest, his eyes are starting to close. Brushing off his sweat soaked hair, Damian tucks a small bundle of his hair behind his ear. “I will not let you go, Grayson.” he says, his other hand starts rubbing small circles around his hips. “I’ve already lost you once and I have no intention of losing you again. I promise that I will protect you, I love you Grayson.” Damian stares at him with such adore and in return, Grayson gives him a small, weak smile-it might be small but it is like the one Grayson used to give him— Damian smiles back at him before watching him drift to sleep.

Damian places a final kiss on his forehead as he stares at him for the last time. He’s too scared to close his eyes, thinking that maybe he’ll disappear if he sleeps. Forcing himself to sleep, Damian hopes that by the time he wakes up, Grayson will be there to greet him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for the very late update!!! i've struggling with this chapter on how to write it and i've been debating whether or not i should add more sex scene for this story or just stick to the angst part ;D anyways hope you guys will like this 
> 
>  
> 
> [insp](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SCOimBo5tg)

Back then when he was in the court, whenever he closed his eyes, it would be a dreamless slumber, a deep blank state in which all he could see and hear was nothingness. It had been for so long, he had forgotten what a dream looks and feels like. It frightens him. What if he’ll dream about the past? About his days in captivity, he couldn’t bare it. It was bad enough he had to recall those times but if he’d dream it as well, he’s not sure whether he’ll snap or break.

_What is this?_

He couldn’t fathom it, large heavy hands coiling around his waist and back. Pulling him into a tight embrace. He could count this as an attack but there’s something about it that’s different. Dick doesn’t know what it is but he likes it. Scooting closer, he bask on the comforting feeling of safety and love.

Feeling his eyes getting heavy, Dick takes a one last look at the man holding him close, his face was different from what he remembered but at the same time similar. Dick smiles at him. Closing his eyes, he’s not afraid to dream anymore knowing that in his dreams, Damian will be there for him.

* * *

“What have you done?!” Damian’s horrored scream is the only thing he hears, everything else still sounds like a one long buzz. Dick’s head have been ringing, wait… Since when did Damian came back? All he remembered was waiting for the other man to come back from a night of patrol and then something heavy and blunt hit him. Touching the area where he’s been hit, the injury he sustained have already healed.

“McGinnis answer me!” he hears him roar. Looking around the surrounding, he sees Damian talking to someone. His vision is now getting back to normal. He sees it, it is someone smaller, someone younger—significantly younger perhaps a child around the ages of 10 or 13, he’s not sure. Dick couldn’t believe it of all the people he fought and assassinated, he was taken out by a kid. Surely his masters would punish him for being—

“I screwed up okay?! I thought he was some crook sneaking in the cave, I only did what I though was right.”

“You could have killed him!”

“No I wouldn’t! Look at him! He’s a mons---“

There he sees it, in a faint second, Damian’s eyes flickers in anger behind his cowl. Curling his hands, there was no doubt, he was planning to raise his hand on a child. Luckily Dick stops him in time by jumping in front of him. “Damian, stop.”

“Grayson…” he looks more surprised than relieved, it puts a frown on Dick’s face. Surely, he doesn’t see him as a delicate flower, right?  “Are you alright?” he asks, his attention already on him, more specifically on his head.

“Yes, I was just caught off guard. That’s all.” With a nod, he uncurls Damian fists wanting the other man to calm down. The child might have been frightened when he saw him earlier and reacted out of instinct. After all, he does look suspicious and shady.

“Tsk, see? He’s fine.” The child pouts. Damian glares back at him. Now that Dick’s vision getting back, he could now clearly see the child. He looks older than what he had initially thought or perhaps it’s just because of his mature look that makes him older. He has a dark hair with fringes around his forehead and blue eyes—bluer than Damian’s. Though, he’s kinda skinny and pale.

“We’re not done talking McGinnis.” The child gave Damian an eye roll when he said those and without doubt this ‘McGinnis’ child doesn’t like to be scolded by anyone. Walking a few paces away, the child declares, “Whatever, I’m heading home.”

Soon enough, the gone is gone. With a sigh, Damian removes his cowl and pinch the bridge of the nose. “I’m sorry for all of that Grayson.”

“No, it’s fine. It’s just…” how should he say this? “I never expected you to have a child.”

“A child? Don’t be preposterous, Grayson.” Damian scoffs bitterly, like he was offended by what he said. “I saved McGinnis in the past and since then he’s been forcing me to teach him how to fight. Of course, I have no intention in teaching him anything. I can’t afford to let anyone else be dragged into this war. This is my responsibility to bear alone” he says, his eyes casting downwards.

Feeling Damian’s obvious sadness, Dick sits beside him, his arms wrap around his shoulders. The sense of nostalgia hits him, he begins to wonder if he managed to do this with him back then, “You’re a good man Damian. You continue to save people without asking for anything in return and you even managed to inspire some—like that kid—to be like you.”

“No, I’m not.” He retorts, his head sinks lower. “I’m not a good Batman, Dick. I’ve failed this city more times I can count. I’m not—“

“Look.” He presses his hands around his, holding it close and tight. “I can never be who I was, Damian but that doesn’t stop me from trying to better than who I am now. Back then, I’m just a tool, a talon for the court to use but thanks to you...” He looks at him, cupping the chin of the other man, he gives him a tiny smile. “I’m now different. I’m starting to turn into a leaf and it’s all because of you.”

“Grayson…” Damian reciprocates the gesture with a smile of his own before their lips touch.

* * *

He couldn’t help but fidget, Damian hasn’t returned from patrol. It had been more than 24 hours since then. It takes all his self-control not to leave the cave and search for the other man. The only thing that’s stopping him is the fact that Damian instructed him not to leave the manor without his permission and Dick really doesn’t want to lose Damian’s trust.

So instead, he just glues his eyes on the screen. Scouting and searching every surveillance camera he could get a hold of and hopes he can spot Damian, even just an evidence as to where he is would be enough.

“If you want to step out. I won’t blame you.” Terry appears, his hands are wrap around his small chest while giving him a stoic expression. Dick couldn’t tell what he’s _exactly_ feeling right now but he could tell from his little tics that he too is worried about Damian.

“I…I can’t Terry.” The boy didn’t even try to hide the disappointment on his face.

It’s been days since he first saw Terry and since then, the two have managed to know each other and actually become friends. Terry’s complete name is Terrence McGinnis, he lives with his mother and younger brother in an apartment in the upper east side of the city. His parents are both scientist though his father died a few years back.

_“I’m sorry for asking.” He apologized sympathetically, he hesitated whether he should put his hand on the grieving boy’s shoulder. He has no idea how to comfort someone like this. Really, Dick should have just kept his mouth shut and remain quiet about Terry’s family. The court have no use for his voice and he begins to understand why._

_“No it’s fine.” Terry rubbed his hand around the edges of his eyes. “I mean, dad died a long time ago already. I shouldn’t be crying like a baby.”_

_“You’re still young Terry, you shouldn’t force yourself to stop crying just because it still hurts. It’s normal to cry.” He may not have much knowledge about other emotions but he knows pain all too well and keeping it all in could turn into a huge mess._

_“Thanks.” The surprise hug from him took Dick off guard but it felt nice. It’s softer than how Damian would hug him but it has the same effect—it made him feel loved and safe. He basked in the warm feeling and pulled the child closer to his arms as he brush his head. “You know, the first time I saw you. I really thought you were a ghost.”_

_“Really?”_

_“Yeah, since you have that very pale skin and haunting gold eyes. But you’re a nice guy Dick—well better than the old man.” He then gave him a toothy smile, Dick couldn’t help but smile back at him._

It makes him sad. Terry may look tough and rugged on the outside but deep down, he is really worried about Damian. Dick doesn’t know what to do. He wants to obey Damian’s command but at the same time want to lift Terry’s spirit. He never realized how he is easily attached to the young child. Maybe he used to be someone who’s good at making connections, who knows. All he wants is to soothe the worry away from the child, he doesn’t know how.

He remains silent.

“But the possibility of the old man being dead is high, do you really want to take that risk?!” now, his voice is starting to crack. He approaches him closer and grips tightly on the chair where Dick is sitting.

“Damian can’t d—“ oh, Terry mustn’t’ve realized Damian being immortal. Trying not to spill the secret, he swivels his chair and looks at him with a calm face. “Look Terry, I know you’re worried about him but trust me, Batman will save the day and come back.”

“But what if he won’t? What will happened to Gotham then? Will you replace him?” Dick momentarily freezes. _Replace?_ Him? A killer, there’s no way someone like him would ever be worthy for such responsibility. “No, I can’t. I’m not as strong willed as him, I don’t have the strong drive to keep this city safe. I’ve killed a lot of its residences and to be honest, I hate Gotham—hate how the city could let the court do whatever they want and let others suffer.” He pauses, flashes of memory appears right in front of his eyes. No, he can’t afford to remember any of it. He needs to stay calm. Taking deep breathes, he distracts his flashbacks with— “Maybe you can do it in the future Terry.”

Terry’s lightens up, “Really?! You mean it?” obvious joy and hopefulness fills his face.

Dick let out a small chuckle, “Yeah, you’ll be a very good Batman someday.” He couldn’t explain it but somehow lifting Terry’s spirits seem to be so easy, so natural for him, he wonders if he ever did this to anyone before.

* * *

It wasn’t easy to convince Terry that Damian will be alright but for some miracle Dick manages to talk him through it and even manages to make him go back home. After a tiring day of futile attempt in searching for Damian, Dick goes to their shared bedroom and wants to sleep.

 _Stop! Don’t!_ His eyes shot wide open. His breathing uneven and he’s body sweating all over. Wait, did he fall asleep? How? Brushing back his hair, he tries to compose himself.

Lately, he’s been having more and more recollections of his memory whenever he sleeps. Damian says it’s his brain’s way of saying he’s getting better but to be honest, Dick feels like he’s breaking even further. What’s worse is that he couldn’t even remember most of what he dreamt, just the terrifying feeling of being in constant fear and agony.

He doesn’t want this. He doesn’t want to remember or feel any of those. He wants to remember the days before the court took him, he wants to remember the stories Damian have shared to him before going to sleep. He wants to remember his family, friends, anyone and anything as long as it’s not the court.

Looking at the right side of the bed, Dick runs his hand over it. It’s where Damian would usually sleep. “Where are you?” he asks before sinking back to the bed, his head slightly scooting closer towards Damian’s side. Taking a whiff of the other man’s scent, he forces himself to fall asleep.

…  

Dick perks up from the sound of objects shuttering and breaking on the next door. Now fully awake, he creeps through the next door, his body barely making any noise as he approaches the source of the sound. He may not have any weapons on his body but at least he knows how to fight without them. Clenching his fist, he slowly takes a peek at who it is, he opens the door lightly. Using the small opening, he looks at who is responsible for the break in.

Planning to attack, he stops midway when he sees him there, all curled up on the middle of it all, his hands grabbing to his scalp.

“Da-damian… “ he breathes out. He feels happy that’s he’s finally back. Damian didn’t seem to have any heavy injury around himself, just a few holes in his armor and cowl and nothing more, though he feels something’s off. “What’s wrong?” Cautiously, he starts approaching the other man. When he’s close enough to him, he holds him by the shoulder, seeing, waiting for what he’ll do next.

“Don’t touch me!” he shouts and slaps his hands away. “I-I don’t… I shouldn’t have…” it surprises him, for weeks he’s been with him. Dick never experienced Damian pushing him away. This is the first and it hurts, not physically but his chest feels like it’s been punched.

“So-sorry…” he apologizes. His hands are now back to his side, not knowing what to do. He never seen Damian like this before. Seeing him this miserable and lost, it brings more pain to his heart. Damian sobs quietly, his chest tucked around his knees and his arms wrap around his head. He’s cursing about something, Dick couldn’t understand what it is.

He has no idea what to do now. He can’t just leave him here crying and hurting himself. It doesn’t matter if his injuries will heal from, Dick just wants to make him feel better. Swallowing all his hesitations and doubt, Dick approaches him once again. He doesn’t even care if Damian will continue to push him away, he’ll just continue to try to approach him, “Damian, whatever it is, whatever you’re going through, I won’t leave you. You can try pushing me away all you want but I’ll stay here. I’ll wait for you until you’ll talk to me.”

Determined, he locks his eyes on him, waiting for any response from the other man. Then, teal colored eyes look back at him. “Why?” he doesn’t get the question as he cocks his head when Damian ask him that.

“What do you mean why?” he asks.

“Why are you so determined to stay with me? For all you know, I could be using you for my personal gain.” That’s fairly odd. Of all the times they spent together, not once has he asked him this. So why is he bringing this now? Did Damian realized something?

“I know you’re not that type of person, Damian. You may look bad on the outside but I know deep down you’re kind and gentle, that’s why I know you’ll never use me that way.”

“Why? I don’t get it? You don’t remember me enough to trust me, so why?”

Dick embraces him, his hand coiling tightly around his broad firm body. “I told you back then didn’t I? I too myself, don’t understand why I’m so drawn to you.” he then remembers the first time he tries to kill Damian after being brought back to the manor. A smile appears on his face, it was because of that night he and Damian got personally close. “Even now… I still don’t have a proper myself but I trust you. After all you’re kind.”

“No, I made you think that way, I-I’m not different from them. I’m no different from the court. I’m using you when you’re weak. You’re not mentally stable, you still have a long way to recovery i-it’s a mistake.” He tries to push him away but Dick refuses to budge, he holds on to him tighter as he says, “Shhh, Damian. Everything’s going to be alright.” He shushes him while stroking his head. “What happened? Where were you?”

“I thought I had caught all of them but I was wrong.” He pauses. “The court, your masters, they tried taking you back but I stopped them. Grayson please tell me, what happened to you back then.”

Dick let out a deep sigh, of all things, he didn’t want to remember it, didn’t want to relive those painful moments. If only he’s given a chance to choose what memory he wants to remember, he would have chosen the days he spent together with Damian rather remembering the times he spent in the court. It is true, his mind is still not stable and he can’t be easily trusted but if Damian is being like this in front of him. Being vulnerable and weak then, that must mean he fully trust him. “It’s true they’ve done all things they could just to broke me, it didn’t matter what type of torture they inflicted on me, whether it was physically, verbal, mental or sexual, I endured all of it. I tried my best to hang on to that thin line of thread, hoping that one day.” he gulps, he couldn’t fully remember what happened to him but the feeling of hopelessness and despair is still fresh. He tries to be strong for him, tries to be strong for Damian, he did so much for him already that it’s only fair for him to do the same. Exhaling, he finishes his story. “One day someone would save me. The last resort was…” he takes Damian’s hand let it trail around his chest. Despite of his pale skin, the thick scare around his left pectoral is still visible.

“You stab your own heart?”

“Yes… “he nods weakly. The memory of his own suicide was one of those memories that retained throughout his resurrection. It was his reminder of how cruel and merciless the court was. Even the scar feels like a wound. He could picture it, himself being beaten badly, his body aching everywhere and his limbs numb. He pulled out a knife nearby and— “I know it was stupid but I didn’t want to feel the pain anymore. I wanted to end of it all Damian.” He hated it, hated how to relive every memory he had in the court. He knew killing himself won’t stop the pain but at least it’ll help him stop the (physical) pain.

“Dick I’m—“ he kisses his lips.

“It’s alright Damian, I’m fine now. After all.” He leans his head on Damian’s hand. Of all the times he’s been forced to do this to his masters not once have he ever felt as comfortable as doing it to Damian. “You took me away from them, protected me and gave me a life I once was denied” Lifting his hips, he settles down on Damian’s lap. He trails kisses all over the other man’s face before settling on his mouth. His hands trails over at the back of Damian’s neck. The other man have open his mouth for better access and their tongues intertwined inside while sucking each other. When removes it, a thin line of drool comes out from his mouth, trickling down his chin. Damian kisses it and licks the saliva dripping off.

“You’ll never use me Damian. Not like what they used to.” he whispers close to his ear. Moving slightly on Damian’s lap, he could feel the younger man’s straining erection.

“How can you so sure this isn’t a ruse.”

“Because I know you need me as much as I need you.” He lets Damian’s hand trail around his chest. He moans.

“How could you tell?” he wraps his hands around his waist. His lips purses. Leading his face on the ground.

“Your smile gives it away.” Letting out a small chuckle, Damian presses small kisses on his neck before continuing on a night of hot passion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next up let's who's still alive in the batfam

**Author's Note:**

> crap, i was suppose to write damian as bald here but i only realize it when i was already done ;D


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